Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
