when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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