is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
