i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize