I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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