it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize