I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had to cum in my sink.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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