I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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