She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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