ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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