Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
