Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
