I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
