So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
