When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
