So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
