i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
