matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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