My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A bitchslap is in order.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
