I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
