What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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