I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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