I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
