Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
