just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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