Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ttyl tear gas
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
