how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
