Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
