To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
