TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
