it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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