Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
