What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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