Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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