Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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