hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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