i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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