Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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