If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
