but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
