What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
