I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
