so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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