'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My cat gives me a boner
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize