Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
