you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
