girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
