walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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