did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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