i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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