I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
