So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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