I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
