Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize