i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
