I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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