i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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