Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
