It was confusing and full of hummus
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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