I want to stick my p in your. b.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
