I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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