Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
