I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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