she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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