I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
