At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
