were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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