My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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