new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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